How we met our child

I guess if I have to tell this story, it has to be from the beginning. Back in 2017, when I first met Shobhita, I wasn’t entirely sure why I liked her. I just wanted to be more with her, spend the weekends with her, buy her gifts. I guess it was love. But when she said yes and we tied the knot a year later, it felt like a transition into a higher quality of life with more happiness and richer experiences.

We were into movies, trying new food, travelling and everything else that couples do. We also talked about having kids and we were both of the mindset to not have any. We are both engineers and inherently believe in causality. So, when it came to having kids, we didn’t really have a good cause or reason to have them. We did feel that we should have one but we left it to our future selves to find a reason and choose to have them.

Inception

In March 2023, Shobhita & I decided that we were ready. We felt that the obvious reasons why we shouldn’t have the kid were running out and going by the common opinion that the older you get the more complicated the pregnancy can get and the fact that the average time it takes for a couple to get pregnant after they start trying is around 6 months, we decided that now was as good a time as any.

One day, when I was brushing my teeth downstairs, Shobhita called me up in an urgent tone and I rushed upstairs to see what happened. I had a faint guess in my heart as I climbed the stairs. She had just taken the pregnancy test and it showed positive. This was roughly a month after we had started trying. I was a little blank, definitely surprised. I felt scared at first but then I looked at my wife’s face and she was terrified as well. And that is when it dawned on me that no one is really prepared to be a parent. They make their own way during this journey.

First few months

We had been told that first 3 months we needed to be very careful. The foetus is fragile and Shobhita could get a lot of mood swings, morning sickness and food aversions. She is generally mentally strong and while she is very vocal about her problems, she doesn’t rest till they are solved. She started enjoying mango pickle a lot. Luckily, she didn’t have much nausea or mood swings (that were attributable to pregnancy). She used to visit the doctor once in a while, her clinic was close to her office. To make sure she can rest more and doesn’t stress too much, we hired a driver who would drive her around. It was a good decision.

In the month of May, we went to Goa. It was a nice and relaxing trip. We had booked tickets for it before we knew we were pregnant so we didn’t cancel and went anyway. Shobhita had booked tickets for North Goa airport even though we were going to stay in South Goa. But it worked out fine, we drove on the pleasant Goa highways in a rented car. That trip reminded me of the beautiful life I had and it kind of excited me on coming next year with our small baby with us.

Second Trimester

By the time we entered July, we were in a set schedule of going to the office together with our driver and coming back together as well. Her office was a bit further from home (luckily in the same direction). They used to drop me in the morning and pick me on the way back. It was like a nice routine of always being with each other or busy in work. We used to cuddle a lot, talking about little plans we had when the baby would come. This is the time when her baby bump had started showing up. She looked really cute in her loose tshirts and shorts and my heart was just full of love. I just wanted her to keep smiling forever, laugh at my jokes and all I wanted was a junior goofy version of her. By this time, we had started shortlisting possible names we could keep for the kid.

In August, we went to Sri Lanka on my birthday. We sat down on the first day and put down all the names we liked. We were able to come up with a bunch of names if it was a girl but it was hard to come up with a boy’s name. Then, we found the name Keev and we both decided that was it. I think Shobhita suggested it, she found it on some Instagram reel.

We both wanted to name the kid with our surname. It was unfair that traditionally in India the child gets the father’s surname. After all, the father has almost no role to play during the pregnancy, at least nothing when compared to the mother’s. But Shobhita was adamant to not keep her surname just like that. So, we came up with a plan that if it was a girl then she should be an Agarwal and if it was a boy, the he would be a Mittal.

OND Quarter

Like e-commerce, this quarter was the busiest for us too. We had to buy so many things that we would need to take care of the baby once it would come. We bought some basic clothes (tshirts, shorts, pyjamas) which are gender neutral really. We organised a baby shower with our friends, got lots of love and gifts, I did an improv standup comedy gig there for 10 minutes. I felt so lucky to have so many great friends but more than anything, I was so taken aback by how beautiful Shobhita looked in that white gown. She was like an angel who was carrying our baby and would deliver the baby angel to us in a few weeks. She felt sick on our way back to home and we decided that we shouldn’t exert too much energy now, especially Shobhita. From then onwards, we kind of stayed indoors and didn’t plan too much outdoors.

Shobhita was finding it tough to change positions during her sleep. I sometimes felt helpless on how I could help her. She adjusted so much during her pregnancy and made sure to follow the book to avoid any complications. She is a bit of a perfectionist, so she is able to discipline herself to achieve the best possible output, something I can never do. I admire her for that and how she made sure to give up so many things to make sure the baby is healthy and minimise complications.

We were joined by her parents and then mine who flew in from Surat & Delhi to celebrate with us the birth of Keev, another name for mischievous Krishna.

The Labour

We got admitted on 27th December morning. She wasn’t feeling any pain when we got admitted. She had been having Braxton-Higgs contractions for a few days though. She started having labour pain from late afternoon and she went into labour around 10PM. She was there for almost 5 hours before the baby came. I was there the whole time, looking at her scream, swearing and bearing the excruciating pain that no one can even understand unless it happens to them. She was meticulous in all her research and decided to go for an Epidural to relieve the pain a little. I am not sure if it helped or not but by the time we were through, I was crying because of seeing her in so much pain. I couldn’t believe how a person could endure so much. She, on the other hand, didn’t cry at all. In fact, after the birth she apologised to the staff for hitting them and swearing to them. Below is our first pic as parents.

Fourth Trimester

In the following days, she found it tough to sit properly and was heavily sleep deprived because the baby needed constant feeding. We tried to setup a schedule that would comfort her the most but sleep was always the victim in it. I went back to office a few days later. I missed a lot of play time with him, I try to make up for it in the mornings and evenings, but It wasn’t a lot because he used to sleep most of the time. Shobhita recovered slowly but well & would spend a lot of time online & in different maternity forums to do research on every little aspect concerning the baby.

One thing I regret in all this is not being there enough. I would honestly suggest every to-be father to plan pregnancy in such a way that you can take 6 months off post labour and spend time with your expanded family. Trust me, this time won’t come back. You’ll regret not being there with her. She will miss you. She needs you to raise the kid with you. A nanny can’t take your place.

Fifth Trimester (Now)

I feel segmenting life into quarters is an efficient solution. Like in business, it gives you a finite duration to assess what happened, what would happen next and where you are. This trimester Keev had become more active, would make sounds, smile and look into your eyes with curiousity. When he drinks milk and needs to be burped and clings on to you when you take him over your shoulder, it is priceless feeling.

Transition from just being a couple to a family is quite exhilarating. We are the architects of his life but we have to try to not lose our own lives in the process. Shobhita is simply exhausted the entire day, having completely transitioned into a caring mother and it is scary for her on how she will go back to work. I will try to be as supportive as possible and make sure Keev and her are able to transition well into that lifestyle.

My scary feeling from when I saw the positive pregnancy test is still there. I don’t know how to raise Keev or how to be a good father. But I know this, no one does. You learn as you go & you stay positive.

Here is a pic of Keev being Keev.